Δευτέρα 23 Αυγούστου 2010

The Religious

Welcome back.
Glad to see you again.
Sorry about the delay it's been Hell down here. (If you don't smile, you'll regret it later.  I mean it.  Ah, much better)


As I was saying, it's been Hell down here, and we're all overworked.  I'll really have to get more staff, but training them takes simply ages.  I've got to teach them the basics of inflicting suffering and anguish, they have absolutely no idea.  I blame the teachers.
However, back to our guided tour of my little domain.
As I've mentioned before, we try and give each of our clients a personalized experience, their environment and the methods used are tailored to suit their own prejudices, beliefs and tasks in life.



Frankly the religious aren't much of a challenge.
Their little minds are set on a fixed track, and they are not used to actually thinking for themselves.
All I've got to do is seal each one up in a small isolated beige room, with nothing to do, nothing to see and only gentle background muzak of an ethereal nature playing.
Then I just leave them for about 200 years. 
Most of them think that they're in with Her Upstairs (Yeah, right), and that they are obviously the only virtuous one to make it.  These are the ones who I really tease.  I just flash the walls of their little room into transparent mode for about a 10th of a second, so they catch the merest fleeting glimpse of the flames and shrieking damned  which surround them.  Just long enough for the merest impression to have been made.  Just long enough for the faintest of cracks to be created in their smug little personalities.  The first slight, faint doubt appears on their mental horizon.


I just leave them to it for a few tens of thousands of years.
It's lovely the way they crumple as they find that faith is an insufficient crutch.

The first screams of anguish are muzac to my ears.

Ah well, back to work. 
I'm preparing a professional development course for My second level demons, and I've got some fine-tuning to do to the boredom/anguish ratio to achieve the maximum mind-deadening effect.

See you soon.

10 σχόλια:

  1. I agree, he shouldn't tease them like that.

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  2. "I agree, he shouldn't tease them like that.

    "


    THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR

    For badness sake, use some imagination.

    Be seeing you.

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  3. Ok how about this. There is no inverse to goodness. God is good and would not create evil.
    Hence Satan, like Hitler, is just a lesser type of good!

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  4. good point second. So hell is just the place people go when they choose not to believe in God?

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  5. We don't have Satan in Scotland.
    We have the Dei'l.
    He is normally described as being of English origin, and is very fond of a drink and young ladies running around in short shirts.
    See "Tam O' Shanter" by Robbie Burns
    ( http://www.robertburns.org/works/308.shtml )

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  6. "He is normally described as being of English origin, and is very fond of a drink and young ladies running around in short shirts."
    I don't think so.
    English saved the world in ww2.
    Drinking is ok in the bible.
    Young ladies running around in short skirts is ok so long as they don't have long black stockings.

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  7. "English saved the world in ww2."
    The English just saved themselves from invasion. The USA and Russia sacrificed their youth to save the world from the atheist Germans.

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