I love scientists

Hello future customers clients, good to see you again.
Just in time to continue our guided tour of our facilities  I've always had a soft spot for scientists.  Many of the most famous ones caused the Church real problems in the past.  Galileo with his ideas of heliocentrism, Darwin and evolution, Alfred Wegener with his theory of plate tectonics and Teller with that lovely toy, the H-bomb. 

Galileo

Each of the developments produced by these guys caused varying amounts of doubt among the church-goers.  Galileo was actually an obnoxious bore, and not a very good scientist.  He actually is suspected of fudging some of his results, but his name is enshrined amongst the scientific "saints" for his refusal to back down from offering a theory which contradicted the church's beliefs.

Darwin

Darwin with his "Men from Chimps" idea has been more misunderstood than any other scientist in history.  He never said that you humans were evolved from Chimps, but the die-hard Creationists used it as an absurd statement to try and demean the theory in "regular" people's eyes.

Wegener

Wegener was much more subtle.  His theory was gradually accepted by scientists in his field over 20 -30 years.  The gradual acceptance was due to a reluctance to accept that parts of the Earth actually moved, and that all previous theories were wrong.  By the time it had been accepted, it was already in the general population as the accepted theory, the paradigm shift had occurred.  The church suddenly woke up to it too late.  Here was an idea that explained almost all of the observed facts of geology and geography, without even mentioning God.  It also stated that the Earth was not created as a perfect object, but it itself changed.  It also finalised the age of the Earth to 4.54 billion years (± 1%), which was rather a problem for those fundamentalists who still had "faith" in Bishop Ussher who said the Earth was created on 23 October 4004 BC (actually the night before).

Teller (Oops, wrong one)

Teller was responsible for more mass terror than any dictator or torturer of the Inquisition.  His invention caused millions of people, all around the world to live in fear of instant, unforeseeable destruction, with a concomitant increase in despair and a move to "live for the instant" for tomorrow we may die attitude.

The Real Edward Teller

I've got  a special room for scientists.   I don't actually get that many down here, and neither does Her upstairs.  They've got a special arrangement and go somewhere else.But the ones I do get are the Bad scientists.  Not the evil scientist of fame and legend (although I do get some of those) but the scientists who refuse to accept fresh ideas or new data.  These are the ones who treat science as SCIENCE, the religion, and have "faith" rather than an examination of the facts.

Their room is actually a duplicate of the control room of the Chernobyl reactor.  Mussorgsky's "Night on a bare mountain" is playing in the background.  Warning signs are beginning to be displayed, indicators are starting to flash, instrument readings are moving into the danger zones.  The scientists ignore them, and continue to talk amongst themselves, sipping their coffee and tea.  The warnings get louder, more strident.  They still ignore the indications of disaster.

Finally, just as they begin to accept that perhaps the data may be correct and that they have a problem, the wall splits, containment is lost, and radioactive superheated steam rushes in, stripping flesh from bones and irradiating whats left.  No one actually dies, they're already dead, remember? but continued existence under these conditions is rather unpleasant. 

Ouch

One complete cycle takes about 7 days and then I repeat it in a continuous loop.  The screams as the skin crisps and the muscles are cooked are pleasant, but not nearly as nice as the look of silent desperation which starts to appear in their eyes as each cycle re-starts.  They remember.

Be seeing you.

Paint and Music

Hello.
Back again?

My, we are gluttons for punishment, aren't we.

Before we start our guided tour let me explain how the system down here works.
Most of our entertainments are not designed to inflict physical pain.  Don't forget that we don't get bodies down here, just the spiritual remains of the organic form, and physical pain only lasts for so long before the mind cuts off or goes insane.
Sometime I like to use a little tickle of the physical to get their attention.  You know the types of things I mean;
A little blast from a flamethrower.

Shotgun blast to the scrotum for the guys.

Needle tipped breast vice for the girls.
Just the minimum to help them focus.

The real Hell-experience uses mental and emotional techniques to maximise the suffering and pain.
And so to the Paint and Music room.

This particular room is for males only.
All of the guys are strapped into chairs. 

Nice comfortable-looking chairs of leather and chrome, that were designed by vindictive aggressive and militant Lesbians.  They are designed to exert particularly excruciating pressure onto those parts guys value most.
Every guy there is kept facing a blank newly painted wall.
In front of the wall is a small stage.
A double bass stands upright.

Music of sorts is playing, it's loud, very loud, just under the pain threshold.
It's by Schoenberg.  You can just hear the guys moaning above the music .
There's a hint of screeching chalk winding in and out of the atonal sounds.
All of the guys have full bladders, almost ready to burst, but not quite.
The walls are completely featureless, but the wall they are staring at is covered in wet paint.  The only thing they can see is the double bass and the drying paint.
This continues for a little while.  About 200 years.

 Just as they think they cannot handle it any more, a man steps out and stands behind the Double Bass.  The Schoenberg stops.  The chalk screeching stops.  The man begins to play the bass.  Badly.
The best moment, the one I really savour, is when the men realise they are actually enjoying the bad double bass playing.  It's when their screaming is so loud that no one can hear the bass, that the whole cycle starts again.
Ah.  So satisfying..

Is this the Hell for you?

You have another preference in mind?

Let Me know.

Who called my Name

Satan, Lord of Misrule

Tremble mortals.

I detected an impudent supposed minion of The Other using My Name without My Permission.
I am not pleased.
Saty away from matters you do not understand.
Stay away from Nuova Lazio.  It is mine already.
I shall ensure that all who interfere will have an agonising fate.
I will boil their blood.
I will gouge out their eyeballs.
I will insert red-hot pokers into every orifice.
I will tear off their skin with red-hot iron pincers.

Have a nice day.
I'll be seeing you.

The Door to Hell

Soon.